


When I wake up (I'm afraid)

by aryablakes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drinking, F/M, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Polyamory, but its mentioned .... once ?, but no one else talks, raven/murphy/emori are dating, same deal with clexa, some other characters are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-02 13:11:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21162200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryablakes/pseuds/aryablakes
Summary: Jasper saw his first ghost when he was five.





	When I wake up (I'm afraid)

**Author's Note:**

> happy halloween!! i felt like this would be a good first halloween fic cause u know .. ghosts! idk where the inspo for this fic even came from but i'm happy with it and I hope u like it too!

Jasper saw his first ghost when he was five.

He was sitting in his house, playing with legos on his living room floor, they had a rug that made the room look like a little cartoon race track, it was his favorite place in the house.

He didn’t remember what happened first, but in his memory it seemed like they happened at the same time.

A small toy car flew out from his box- _closed box_, in the corner of the room, a bright red toy car flying across the track, and a small girl, she looked to be his age, maybe a little older, he didn’t get a very good look at her, but he’d remember her features for the rest of his life.__

_ __ _

__

Her face was marked up and bloody, pale, as if she hadn’t seen the sun in years, eyes wide, frantic, her brown hair was sticking up everywhere, a mess, her clothes torn in places, she looked messed up.

“Hello?” He said to the girl, Jasper, always too brave.

Her eyes got wider, staring at him as if she’d never heard someone speak before, “You can see me?”

Jasper laughs, “Well, yeah! Why? Do people usually not see you?”

“No one’s seen me in years.”

Years? She was barely his age? Jasper remembered being so confused.

Opening his mouth to say something else to the girl, he heard his front door open, his mom was home.

He turned around to say hello, and when he turned back the girl was gone, there was no proof she was ever there at all.

\-----------------------------------

He remembered seeing her every time his parents weren’t around, everytime he was alone, she would show up.

She being _Maya.___

_ __ _

_ __ _

He wasn’t able to ask her name the first time they met but after that the first thing he asked her was her name, he wanted to be polite.

“I-i don’t remember my name.” She says, looking down at the floor, fiddling with her fingers, she looked like she was about to burst into tears.

“Hey it’s okay!” Jasper exclaimed, he hated when people cried, “I’ll just call you, Maya!” He yells, remembering the name of a woman his mom worked with, he’d met her a few times, she was nice.

The girl smiles, “Maya, I like it.”

He smiles back at her, handing her a toy car, they sat there all day playing with toy cars until his parents got home and she went away again.

\-----------------------------------

“Why do you always leave?”

Maya looked up, surprised with his question, “W- what do you mean.”

“You always leave, I wish you would stay.”

She looked at him, face soft, “I wish I could stay too.”

\-----------------------------------

Jasper was nine the last time he saw Maya, he was sitting in his living room, waiting for his parents to go to bed so that he could see her again, giddy for later in the night, when his parents pulled him aside.

“Jasper, sweetie,” His mom starts, happiness clear on her face, “We’re moving!” She exclaims.

“What?”

“We’re moving! Aren’t you excited?”

Jasper caught his lip between his teeth, eyes filling with tears, “I wanna stay!”

His mother didn’t expect such an outrage from him, “W- but Jasper, we already got the new house, and we packed everything in the car already, the only thing still here is us.”

Jasper’s mind was going a mile a minute, he wanted to stay, Maya was still here! He had tried to tell his parents about her before, but all they said was that he was ‘cute for having an imaginary friend’, she was real! He wanted them to see her just like he had!

Before he could voice any of this, his mom took him out of the house, placed him in the back seat of the car, and they were off, never to see his old house- or Maya, ever again.

\-----------------------------------

Jasper didn’t see another ghost until he was fourteen, him and his best friend, Monty, were out walking, they were so stoned Jasper almost didn’t see the person walking in front of him.

Swerving out of the way, a small ‘sorry, didn’t see you there’ complete with a couple chuckles and he was walking again.

Monty laughed, loud across the empty street, “Dude, I told you, you don’t need to leave the house when you’re high.”

“What? Fuck off dude, why not?”

“You just said you were sorry for not bumping into anything, dude. Maybe hit a little less next time.”

Jasper turned around, and true to his word, nothing was there, maybe he was just high off his ass, he needed to chill out.

A small ‘whatever’ was out of his mouth, goosebumps covering his arms, as they made their way down the street, headed to some dumb party Raven had told them about.

And if Jasper, high out of his mind knew that he wasn’t being an idiot, that maybe this was something like Maya again, well he just drank more that night than he had planned, and forgot about it.

\-----------------------------------

Jasper should’ve known that Monty liked him, long before he did.

They spent all of their time together, they played games, or smoked, or talked, or did nothing sometimes!

Even his friends knew that they liked him, they all made jokes about it, but Jasper, he was blind, Monty was his best friend, he didn’t think he liked him, Jasper knew they were bi, but contrary to popular belief, that doesn’t mean you like everyone who crosses your path, Jasper knew that, he was bi too!

But one day, it was the day before a school dance, one they both said was too lame to go to, Monty told him.

“Listen, Jasp, I know we said that school dances are lame-”

“That’s cause they are Mont.” Jasper said with a snort, smashing the buttons on his controller at the same time, trying to get a combo.

“Right, I was just thinking, w-I-I wanna go.”

“To the dance?”

“Well, yeah.”

Jasper stopped the game they were playing, turning his head to look at Monty, they rarely expressed interest in anyone, hell, the last time they did was Harper, in 6th grade, but Jasper was sure it wasn’t her, she had a girlfriend.

“Well who is it?”

Monty stopped, and turned to Jasper too, he looked him in the eye and grabbed his hand, “Well, you, Jasp.”

\-----------------------------------

Monty made sure Jasper knew how stupid he was for thinking that the dance would be lame, after he had agreed to go with them, Jasper made sure Monty knew that he didn’t really think it was gonna be fun, and that they should just stay at his house and play Mortal Combat.

‘Jasper! I asked you to the dance cause I wanna dance with you, not so you could bail’, Jasper could hear Monty’s words in his head.

They had been right though, it was fun, Jasper couldn’t remember the last time he had so much fun.

Until about half way through the night, he saw someone.

They were tall, taller than Jasper anyway, and had dark hair that was shaved almost fully off, dark skin that was covered in cuts and scrapes and bruises. Jasper felt sick to his stomach.

All the fun he had been having, went out the window when he saw the man, he ran to the bathroom- leaving Monty who had been telling a story about, something they thought was funny, and Jasper vomited his guts out, Monty ran after him, but they didn’t find him until after he had stopped throwing up.

Jasper spent the rest of the night in a haze, happy Monty believed his stomach hurt like normal, rather than this.

He spent the rest of the night drinking so much, he might not remember in the morning. Even drunk Jasper knew, that was a stupid idea.

\-----------------------------------

After that things weren’t the same for Jasper, he would see them everywhere, it started out like the one that night, just one, in a big place, but soon, there were full crowds that only he could see.

Terrified of everything he was seeing, he started drinking a lot, way more than he should’ve, and he knew that! But he couldn’t just see things like this, and still have a heathy brain, it wasn’t possible, figure, why not fuck it up himself, rather than somehing else do it for him.

Monty had tried so hard to get him to stop, but they knew nothing about what Jasper had been seeing and feeling! Jasper was so glad Monty didn’t have to go through this shit, but they would never understand.

\-----------------------------------

This happened until they went to college, Jasper was proud of himself for even making it to college, Monty was too.

Jasper remembered the day they graduated so well, Monty held his hand, and since they went to a small school, they were right after each other in roll call for the event, so they walked up together, the principal told them to go separately but they wouldn’t dream of it.

While in college they met some more friends- Lexa and her girlfriend Clarke, Emori, who would later become the third in Raven and Murphy’s relationship that they had seemed to be looking for.

They met someone else though, someone who peaked Monty and Jasper’s intrest, Octavia Blake.

She was beautiful, inside and out, she was so cool, and there was something about her, that Jasper felt in his soul, he wasn’t sure if Monty felt the same but he knew that this was something, maybe not _something_ but something, nonetheless__

_ __ _

_ __ _

\-----------------------------------

Jasper had finally figured out what that something was, she could see _them too._

__

__

He was in his room one day, and he saw one, it looked normal, like most he’d seen. You would think that they were all bloody and bruised but, most of them just looked like people. It would’ve been hard to tell them apart from _real people_ if not for the goosebumps he gets when he sees them, oh and that no one else sees them__

_ __ _

_ __ _

Other than _her._

__

__

She walked into his room, unannounced, like she usually did, and started talking, but stopped when she saw it there.

“Hey Jasp! I need your-, oh, sorry, I didn’t know someone else was here.” She said a small chuckle came out, she tried masking her anxiety.

“What?”

Octavia waves at the _thing_ in the room.__

_ __ _

_ __ _

“You see it too?”

Octavia’s face pales, she stutters over her words, but said nothing.

She walked out, no further words spoken.

Jasper was left feeling weird after she left, but he felt better too, he finally found someone who understood.

\-----------------------------------

They started meeting up when Jasper knew Monty was gonna be out, they would talk about everything, Jasper knew there was some stuff she wasn’t mentioning, but he left some things out too.

Monty had no idea, they both made sure he wouldn’t figure out, they were so glad to have someone who understood, that they weren’t paying attention to see when they got home.

Monty overheard a lot more than they meant to that day, and nothing made sense anymore.

\-----------------------------------

“What the fuck, Jasper!” Monty exclaimed when he confronted him about what they heard ealier that day, Jasper tried saying they were running lines for a show, or something equally as stupid, Monty knew it was a lie, they felt so hurt that Jasper would lie to them.

“Monty, calm down? Please?”

“Calm down? You’ve been seeing ghosts, your entire life, and you never told me, so no, I don’t think I will calm down Jasp.”

Jasper sighed, but sat down, he knew this would be weird, that’s why he was putting it off, it just seemed like he put it off a little too much.

“I just,” They started, “why didn’t you tell me.”

“‘Cause! Mont, you-you’ve never seen them, I would’ve just seemed crazy.”

“You think I would think that about you? You’re my best friend, Jasper,” Jasper felt himself flinch at the use of his full name, Monty never used it, “I would never think that.”

“I’m sorry, Monty, really I am! I-is there something I could do, to make this up to you?”

Monty sighed, and placed their hand in Jasper’s for a moment, before pulling it back, “Just- I wanna be alone.”

Jasper nodded after a moment, walking out of the apartment.

\-----------------------------------

“I just- I’m upset that you kept this from me, Jasper.”

“I know, Monty, I’m sorry.”

“I know you are- it’s just-” Monty paused, their head dropping to their hands, “why’d you tell Octavia?” They whispers, like it was shameful, to them it was.

“What? W- Monty, is that what this is about? You think I trust her more than you?”

Monty looked down, avoiding Jasper’s eyes, but nodded,

Jasper’s eyes and face soften, “Mont, baby. No, I love you, okay? She has nothing on you, my partner, my best friend, I love you, Mont.”

Monty’s face softened, “I love you too, Jasper. I’m sorry this is so stupid I ju-”

“It’s not!” Jasper cut them off, “No, Mont, it’s not stupid at all. I-I’m sorry I made you feel this way.”

A few stray tears slipped out of Monty’s eyes, they held Jasper’s hand, “No, Jasp, this isn’t your fault, you know about my anxiety, I ju- I,” They paused to collect themself, “it’s irrational, I know, I just-”

“Monty, I’m sorry, I haven’t been as present when we’re together lately, I’m sorry.” Jasper said, pulling Monty into his arms.

They hold each other for the rest of the night.

\-----------------------------------

“I wanna go on a date with you guys.”

“Hey Octavia, ho-,” Jasper stopped talking, a new thing, “What?”

Octavia laughed at him, and then looked over at Monty, who looked just as confused and Jasper sounded, “Oh come on, don’t tell me you think this is coming out of nowhere? I’ve been leaving hints for months!”

“W-uh, we, we didn’t see any hints?”

Octavia smiled at Monty, “You know, I’ll leave you guys to talk it out, okay? Get back to me though.” She said as she left, pointing her finger at both of them.

Jasper and Monty had already decided, before speaking to each other, that they were accepting.

\-----------------------------------

“Oh my god! Guys!” Monty yelled as they walked into the apartment, seeing Jasper and Octavia lounging on the couch together.

They both looked up at Monty’s voice, “What’s up, Mont?”

“Haunted house!” They yelled, not having to say anymore.

Octavia sat up on the couch, “Oh, I-uh- I don’t know if that’s the best idea.” She said, small, awkward chuckle coming out.

“Are you scared?” Jasper asked, not teasing, he knew what it was like to be teased, he hated it and wouldn’t do it to anyone himself.

“No! I just, don’t, like them, very much.”

“Okay,” Monty said, sounding a little sad, “we don’t have to go then!” He quickly replaced the sadness in his voice, trying not to make her feel bad.

“No! We can go, still,” Octavia said, “I just don’t know how much fun we’ll have.” She said, laughing.

Monty joined them on the couch, laying across them, “I’m sure it’ll be wonderful.”

\-----------------------------------

Monty had this weird thing about being right a lot, Jasper realized. That night had been wonderful, for all of them, Octavia, despite not liking them, was having- what seemed like, the most about of fun, Monty was smiling and laughing the whole time, and even Jasper kept out of his head long enough to have a good time.

It was great.

The whole place was bathed in neon lights, every room a different color, they had just left the green room, and were on their way to the purple room- they had heard great things about thing room, from Emori, they hoped it lived up to what she said it would.

The purple room was the ghost room, Jasper didn’t know how comfortable he was with that idea, but he wasn’t gonna spoil the fun.

“Hey, Jasp.” Monty yelled at him- having to yell to be heard in a place like this, “You sure you wanna do this?”

“Yeah!” Octavia piped up from his other side, “We can skip this one if you want.”

Jasper smiled at his partners, glad he had such wonderful people, “No, I’ll be fine, guys! Thank you, let’s just, go have fun!”

They both smiled back at him, letting Octavia lead the way.

“It seems like she really likes it here.” Jasper whispers into Monty’s ear.

Monty laughed, “Yeah, maybe she had a bad experience in one before or something? I don’t know, but I’m glad she’s having fun.”

“Yeah me too.”

“Come on, guys! God, you’re both so slow.” Octavia laughed, way ahead of them now.

Jasper stuck his tongue out at her, but went faster.

Jasper was so busy laughing at some joke Monty had made, he didn’t look in front of him, until he felt Octavia’s body, he had bumped into her, “Oh, shit, sorry, Tavia.”

He looked up at her, she wasn’t saying anything, didn’t make any jokes, or crude movements, she was just staring right ahead.

Jasper looked up and saw it too, a boy, he was tall, had dark, long hair, his body and hair was covered in matted blood, and dirt.

Jasper felt horrible for whoever this was, but he was used to seeing things like this, no matter where he was, so he didn’t understand why Octavia was stopped.

“Octavia?”

She turned to them, tears streaming down her face, her words hard to make out, but Jasper understood them as soon as she said them.

“That’s my brother.”

\-----------------------------------

“My brother died when I was little.” Octaiva said, head down, on their bed, they had left the party as soon as-, “He was a lot older than me so, he was at college thing, I didn’t know he was dead, ‘til four days after it had happened.”

“I remember it so clearly, I had a dream about him, him and some of his friends were out walking, they were in the road, and then-” She stopped herself, a few stray tears falling out of her eyes, “I woke up sweating and crying, I called him and he asked me what was wrong, told me he was fine.”

“The next day, I saw him, in our house, I was so confused ‘cause he wasn’t supposed to be home yet, but he was, I was so overjoyed to see him again, I didn’t care why he was home so early. I tried to hug him, but my arms went right through him. I woke up the next day, I don’t even remember what happened in between that but I just remember I woke up and he wasn’t there and I cried and cried.”

“I saw his name on the news two days later, and I-” tears stop her story, throat closing up, sobs wrecked through her whole body, both of them hugged her until they were sure she hated them for it, and then just a little longer.

Jasper decided that then was as good a time as any, “I saw my first g-,” He paused, sighing to himself, “when I was five, I named her Maya, she was my first friend-” Monty raised a finger, but Jasper cut them off “yes Mont, even before you.” Monty put their finger down.

“She was a little kid, my age, but had been dead for ages, she didn’t even remember her own name, so I gave her one, we hung out everytime no one was around for months, I was so happy to see her, she made me happy, and I felt like I was doing the same for her.” Jasper said, tears falling from his face quickly, he made no attempt to stop them or even clear them.

“But of course- as all good things do, it came to an end, my parents and I moved, and I never saw her again, anywhere, I looked for ages! She was the only thing that I wanted, but, I never saw her again. I tried once, to call her to me- I read about it online, figured ‘why not?’”

“But it didn’t work, I was just left without energy and sad, again. That’s the reason I stopped calling them ‘ghosts’, just them, all personality left them when I had to leave her. It was the worst day of my kid life,” He turned back to Octavia, “and I’m sorry, Tavia, if that hurt me so bad, I ca-can’t imagine what losing your brother was like for you.”

She nods to him, forcing a smile and leaning her head on his shoulder, falling asleep shortly.

“I’m sorry, Jasper.”

Jasper looked over at Monty, seeing the sadness in their eyes, he grabbed their hand, and they joined their girlfriend, asleep.  
\-----------------------------------

After that night, their relationship felt unbreakable, if they felt like they were close before, they were soulmates after, Jasper was sure.

He felt bad, that he and Octavia had this huge thing, that Monty could never understand, not fully.

But Monty never seemed to mind, they seemed glad they couldn’t see them, Jasper was glad they couldn’t see them, too.

They were so kind, Monty, a good soul, they never would’ve been able to see so many, things without-

So yeah, Jasper was glad, it still hurt though, he wished it didn’t feel like something Monty would never understand, he hated when they didn’t share things.

But him and Monty shared things Octavia didn’t get, and Tavia and Monty, so it was natural, Jasper rationalized to himself, hoping it would make him feel better about it.

Normally when he felt like this he would drink until the feeling went away, but he was trying to stop doing that, it had been hard, they both agreed that if Jasper wanted to go to aa they would never stop supporting him.

Jasper had been sure that that wasn’t something he wanted to do, but thanked them for being so kind, they threw out all the liquor, made sure not to buy any, for parties or dates or anything, they were all trying.

Jasper appreciated it, more than anything.

\-----------------------------------

When they graduated college, it had been a little different than when Jasper and Monty graduated high school, but good different.

They had Octavia this time, and after graduation, they went out and got dinner, happy members of society, whatever that meant.

“Society is just a social construct, though.” Monty said, once they were back at the apartment, words slurring, (they had checked with Jasper beforehand, he just laughed and handed them a drink, making sure they understood that they could drink whenever they wanted.)

“Isn’t everything?”

Monty held up a hand, as if they were going to protest, but dropped it when they realized Octavia was right.

Jasper laughed at them, glad to see his partners so happy together.

“You guys are my favorite people, you have been for a while, I just,- I don’t know, need you to know that.”

Octavia smiled, small tears falling out of her eyes,- it had been an emotional day, she wasn’t doing a great job at keeping the tears at bay, but for once, she didn’t mind.

Monty jumped over to Jasper, drink long gone, “I love you guys!” They yelled through the apartment, “My soulmates.”

They snuggled further into Jasper’s arms, and was out moments later, Jasper tried to get Octavia to help him up, but she just laid down with them, the three of them a big pile on the couch.

He knew his back would hurt in the morning, but he couldn’t help it, these were his people.

Turning the lamp next to his head off, Jasper went to sleep.

\-----------------------------------

“I didn’t get it.” Octavia announced when she walked into the apartment.

“What?”

“The job, the one that i’ve been wanting since I came here! I got interviewed the other day and I-” She paused, tears filling her eyes “I didn’t get it.”

They both walked over to her, holding their arms open, she however, turned the other way and went into their room instead.

Jasper and Monty turned to each other, heads tilted, confusion clear on their faces, she never left anymore, what had happened.

They decided that they shouldn’t ask, though, as that would just make her more upset, instead, they thought plans about how to cheer her up.

\-----------------------------------

In an attempt to lighten the mood that Octavia was in, they decided to put some music on, and make food.

Only that didn’t happen, they ended up dancing, long and hard, from slow to dancing to fast songs, to jamming and looking awful, but none of them cared, they were happy! They got Octavia’s mind off her interview for a little while and well, that made all of them happy.

Jasper stopped dancing for a moment when he heard his phone ring, ‘oh one second guys’.

He picked up, still laughing, “Hey dad! What’s up?”

“Jasper, it’s your mom-” His dad started.

“What about her? Is something wrong?” Jasper asked, laughter falling from his voice, the sound of music falling, like nothing else was able to be heard at all.

“Jasper, she-she’s sick.”

\-----------------------------------

Jasper, Monty, Octaiva and the rest of the Jordan family went to her funeral, in the beaming heat of the July summer.

It was short and sweet, just as she would’ve wanted it to be.

Jasper cried and cried the whole time, Monty and Octavia sat on either side of him, holding his hand and petting his hair.

Jasper gave his eulogy, and forced himself not to cry while doing so.

His dad gave him a hug after, and made sure Jasper knew he could talk to him, if he needed, or wanted, or anything.

Jasper thanked him, but walked off.

\-----------------------------------

They were in the cemetery, Jasper felt fear going there, so many dead people, someone he knew- someone he loved, he was terrified.

But this was his mom, so he went, made nice with everyone she knew, tried not to burst into tears when people kept telling him they were sorry, that they would pray for him.

He felt awful.

And then he saw her, halfway across the cemetery, she exactly like she did when he last saw her, and he couldn’t stop himself from bursting into tears.

Monty and Octavia turned over to him when they heard him start to cry, they were asking him what was wrong and he just whispered and pointed.

Octavia looked up and understood, ‘his mom’ she mouthed to Monty and they spent the rest of the evening trying to help him calm down and breathe.

Jasper saw his first ghost when he was twenty nine.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if the sections dont fit together in some spots this was all made kinda ,,, randomly so the ending was done before most everything else ,, sorry if it doesnt work!! i tried tho lmao
> 
> the title is afraid by the neighborhood
> 
> feel free to leave a comment if u want to!
> 
> u can check out my tumblr [here!](http://aryablakes.tumblr.com/) if you wanna dm or send me an ask those are open too!


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